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Notes from an inexperienced Seattle chili taster named Frank who was visiting Texas: Recently I was honored to be selected as an Outstanding Famous Celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original per ....

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.... ONE: Smokey (barbeque?) with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. JUDGE TWO: Exciting barbeque flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver while I shoved my way to the front of the beer line. Chili #3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick! Needs more beans. JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. FRANK: This has got to be a joke! Call the EPA, I've located a !?#@%~#@*_#! uranium ....